The age old question...

How do you get rid of a ghost?

And no i am not looking for a punch line....

Accept it, confront it, and set it free.

Most of us have a ghost....it may be one that has lingered, following us place to place through out life, and now we have just become accustomed to it being around. Or maybe its a new ghost, and we are trying like hell to get rid of it.....but trying all of the wrong things.

I'm sitting here in my little bachelorette apartment, on new years eve, waiting for company to arrive. I broke down in tears a little while ago, long over due tears. I'd like to think that just because the number of the year is going to change in a few hours, life will magically change.....but that is not the case. It's going to take some time.

I am grateful for the few good friends that have shoved me threw the last half of this year, as it was rough. Mike for sitting through a Friends marathon, and letting me vent while curled up on his couch chain smoking.....Heather for helping me move all my crap in a matter of days notice, trying to shove a couch through my door, taking in that stupid freaking beta fish, taking care of me when i needed it the most, and just listening....always listening to me.......Tanya for promising me that one day....i will have it all.
And for the few that remain nameless.....treating me like a women should be treated....rubbing my head until i fell asleep...putting my jacket on for me.....surprising me with roses.....so simple. Yet some people just don't get it. Hhmh.

In the last year
I've earned my now 2nd NYS license. This one i intend to use. Became a nurse. Watched a patient miraculously progress to a stage i never thought i'd see. Fell in love. Became engaged. Had my heart broken for the first time. Became unengaged. Moved twice. Made some wonderful friends. Experienced an evening that i had longed for, for years. And it was worth every last second. Worked full time while putting myself through school full time, and survived it.
And to finish off the year, i now i have my VERY OWN bedroom for the first time since i was 21.......
And i don't have to share my bed with ANYONE if i don't want to. And when i want to, i can. Love it.

Here's to a new day....not a new year.


I'm giving up the ghost.

Live as you see fit.

"........
I know it must seem like you're starting over again...but you're definitely not alone...I wish I could be there for you, but I'll certainly be thinking about you. You are one of the strongest women I know, I haven't told you this, but I think the fact that you broke off the engagement says a lot about you...I think a lot of girls would have been caught up in it all and looked past the fact that they were being treated like shit, and eventually marry into a life of disappointment. You have the world in front of you, no matter if you stay in Ny or if you move south...there are a million opportunities out there for you. I know you're not the type to stay single for long, but I hope you can find a guy who takes care of you like you deserve.

I envision seeing you in a year and seeing you truly happy and satisfied with life with none of the stress you have to deal with now...and I hope it plays out like that.

I'm not the type to hold things back, so I want you to know before I leave that you have given me great memories to live off of for the next year, and again Thank you, for just being you. "

I keep this on my fridge and read it almost everyday.....there are not many men whose words i honestly trust......but his, i do.

And turns out.....slowly....i am figuring out, he was right.